Grandpa

I woke up this morning, and my first thought was to call my grandmother. Today is my grandfather's birthday, and in recent years I made it a point to talk to her. We both loved him very much. His death in 1983 cracked my world. My grandma and I would talk about him and how wonderful he was and comfort each other. It sucks that I can't do that now.

Thanksgiving

I made it through today, Thanksgiving. I cried yesterday. I knew there would be no opportunity for me today. Eric and I hosted. It was weird to await my parents' arrival, knowing my grandmother would not be walking up my walk. My mom was sad and my aunt was sadder, and I tried my best to keep everyone level headed. Adam thought great-grandma was coming too and this upset my mom. He doesn't always understand, he is 4. But he and his sister brought more joy to the day than I could have imagined. And that is what I am most thankful for.

Blue

Blue was her favorite color. For my 13th birthday, she and my grandfather bought me a beautiful sterling silver ring with a blue stone in it, surrounded by two tiny diamonds. The blue is not turquoise or aquamarine, not sky or cobalt or navy. At times I am sure the stone is a blue zircon but then I see advertisements for these and it's just not quite the same.

I have a habit now of making sure my hand with the ring shows to the sky at least once a day. This helps me feel connected to her, it's crazy I know. There was a stretch of gray, rainy days a few weeks back and my sadness matched the color of the sky. I like to think she is my blue sky, and when the days were gray, that's when I started showing my hand. This way I think she can always see me.

Harold and the Purple Crayon

Snuggled in bed with my children last Sunday morning, I put on the television show Harold and the Purple Crayon, based on the series of books Harold and the Purple Crayon.

In this episode, Harold was busy searching for his fish, Goldie. At the end of the story it was revealed that Goldie died. I stifled myself so the kids didn't see me but inside I was just crumbling. They didn't make the connection. In fact, they seemed more interested in having breakfast which I suppose was a good thing. My grandmother would have enjoyed there being a fish named Goldie.

Daisy May

Today is the anniversary of Daisy May's death. One year. It does not seem possible I have been cat-less for that long, when being catted for twenty years.

There is a photo of Daisy May sitting with my grandma. I can't find it right now but will have to. They are both on my futon and grandma is smiling.

Now neither are here.

About Grandmas, in general

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. ~Author Unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
~Welsh Proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~Author Unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown


When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
~Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just
you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our
hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren,
I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should
advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is
no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith

It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the
world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown

Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing
old. ~Mary H. Waldrip

You do not really understand something unless you can explain
it to your grandmother. ~Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You
feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long
periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . ~Dave Barry

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas
are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do.
Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of
little children. ~Alex Haley

Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of
practice. ~Author Unknown

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses,
sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the
time," you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale

What is it a bout grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say
that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can
but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they
can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby

That *other* day

Yesterday, September 24, marked the anniversary of my grandfather's death. He died in 1983. It's been twenty-four years and I can still recollect my dad's face when he told me and how I walked into our kitchen not knowing what to do with myself. The grief surrounded me like a bubble and I couldn't hear myself crying.

September 24 became a day I would always dread. In recent years I would call my grandmother as I knew she missed him too. I was his princess, the only grandaughter and the oldest. I had Al the longest, Goldie too.

It is almost three months and it feels like yesterday.