Just Monday

Just missing you today, like most days.

How Big is Big Enough?

I am wondering today, how big is big enough? Will I forever be the bigger person? Why doesn't the other person look away, why is it always me? Her voice came to me today, while I was standing in my kitchen. "Ame, look away, just look away" as she taught me. Sometimes I honestly do get tired of always being the one to extend the olive branch. Sorry Grandma

Think About the Sun

I really miss her, so much, it has gone on for almost three years but for some reason, this winter it has almost been too much to bear. The weather has been incredibly impossible, several snowstorms and a nor'easter
I am prepping to host my husbands family and my parents for Passover. It breaks my heart again that she cannot be here to enjoy it with us, with me. I made sure to hang up the wedding portrait but it really is not the same.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

Wow, I didn't realize it's been almost 6 months since my last post. Life goes on and time speeds along. Grandma you have missed so much and we miss you so much.

Rhoda died last week. This has such big repercussions for all of us. I am trying to support my parents, who now mourn the loss of a very dear friend, neighbor and peer. I am trying to support my friend, Barbara, who is now an orphan and so very sad. I am trying to help others by securing a space for all of Rhoda's furnishings, a home where someone is in need. And I too am sad. Rhoda was such a nice person. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't use the word "nice" - I find it to be generic and thoughtless. But the online dictionary defines nice as, "amiably pleasant; kind" and that's what Rhoda was. She was uncomplicated and lived a simple life.

It was fitting on the drive home from the funeral I turned on the radio and listened to Fleetwood Mac's classic, "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." Barbara and I recorded ourselves singing along to this catchy tune one summer night - we used a cassette recorder and all I can say is in our situation "two wrongs do not make a right." Our voices over the song and singers were hideous! I just had to laugh out loud recalling how silly we were. I hope she knows no matter how different we are, she is still a sister to me.

Just Missing You

I cried when we arrived at the Magic Kingdom on June 27, 2009 and know you would have just loved to experience this with my kids! They miss you too, but in a different way.

Erev Thanksgiving

I am thinking about my grandmother more and more these days. It is probably 'that' time of year: her wedding anniversary was a few days ago and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. How is it this is our second thanksgiving without her?

Not a day goes by still, that I am not missing her. I worry that my family is falling apart because she is gone. She was not a saviour but she kept so many things in balance for so many of us and things are still coming apart at the seams. I guess when everything is unraveled things can begin to be knit again.

Just Tired

I am so tired of missing my grandmother. And I am angry, an anger I can't really reveal to anyone because there is no one to support, deflect or absorb some of its energy.